There's No Going Back RP
by Kyoichi.T751
Summary: An ongoing Shizaya RP. They've loved each other since high school but neither of them knew until one fateful day. Jumping the gap between two buildings is dangerous, someone could get hurt... or worse. A near death experience brings a heartfelt confession and lots of angst. SHIZUO/IZAYA, YAOI, SMUT, FLUFF, ATTEMPTED SUICIDE.
1. The Fall

**Author Note: **

**So this is a roleplay between me and a lovely person! Now as to how the format goes, since it is a roleplay it reads a little strange. Umm well anyway, I wrote as Shizuo. So like every other paragraph/line, writer switches. Its all in third person but I felt bad editing someone else's work so that it would read more smoothly, so I just left it how it was. **

**I do not own Durarara! or any of it's characters. I wish I did but I do not.**

**Also, if anyone would like to roleplay with me, add me on google+: u/0/102263107569048947478/posts **

**I'm only good at being Shizuo though so...**

**Alrighty, on with the roleplay! You can ignore me now!**

The raven haired male stood on top of a building, looking over the city. He smirks and twirls a knife between his fingers.

Shizuo walked by at a leisurely pace on the street below. The air smelled like shit, he knew the flea must be nearby.

He spots a familiar blonde and smiles. "There you are." He throws the knife so it cuts the others sleeve and slices him a bit.

Shizuo feels a slight sting in his arm and looks over, his shirt was torn slightly and a small bit of blood was soaking through the cloth. He twisted his head around, trying to locate the flea but he was nowhere in sight. He looked up to see a dark figure standing on top of a building. "IZAYAAAAA!" He roared before running through the doors of said building.

He laughs and jumps to the top of the neighboring building. He loved doing this to Shizu-chan. It was so much fun.

When Shizuo reached the roof, he watched as the raven jumped the gap between two buildings. His heart dropped, what if Izaya didn't make it? He ran to the edge to see the flea with his signature smirk, he was safe; wait, why did he care? Shizuo looked down, he didn't really like heights but he had to catch the flea. He backed away and got a running start. He launched himself towards the other building and just barely missed. He reached a hand out and caught the ledge, dangling above the rest of the city.

He walked over and looked down at him, smirking. "Having a bit of trouble there, Shi-zu-chan?" He chuckled and crouched a bit. Though he didn't show it, he was worried that the blonde might fall. If his hand slipped, he would most likely grab it so he didn't drop to the ground he wouldn't be able to explain himself after that but at least Shizuo would be safe. Wait.. Why did he care? This guy has picked on him since the day they met. He'll figure it out later.

"Damn, flea. I'll kill you!" He struggled to pull himself up but he had no leverage. He could feel his fingers slipping. His eyes went wide with fear. He was going to fall and not even he could survive a fall from this height.

His breath caught in his throat as he sees the other starts to slip. Would he be fast enough to grab him just before he got out of reach? Or should he just grab him and pull him up now?

"Shit." And with that, his hands slipped. This was the end, he was going to die. The monster of Ikebukero was going to finally be put to rest. Gravity was going to do what no bullet could.

Thank god he was fast enough. Izaya reached out quickly and grabbed the other's hand. He was leaning over the side of the building, holding him up, slight fear in his eyes as he looked down at the blonde.

"Flea? What the hell are you doing? You're gonna get yourself killed!" Shizuo said, he was more afraid that Izaya was going to fall with him than his own safety.

"Like I'll let myself die that easily.." He forces a small smirk before trying to pull the other up. He does a little bit, but not much.

"You're an idiot! You honestly think that someone as skinny as you are is going to be able to pull me up?!" The blonde watched as Izaya continued to struggle to pull him up.

"You know, you using me to climb up would also help ya know!" A thought crossed his mind. 'As long as you make it out of this alive..'

"B-but then... you'll most likely be dragged down." They were really stuck. "Izaya, let go." It was the only chance for the flea to get out alive.

Shizuo relaxed his hand, making it slowly slip from the raven's grip. "It's okay, Izaya. I'm just a monster."

"NO! Don't you dare let go! Fucking hell Shizuo! I love you!" Well, he said it. No going back now... He's liked the other since high school.

Shizuo's eyes went wide in shock. "Wh-what?" Did the raven really say what he think he just said? Does that mean...that his feelings weren't unrequited? Izaya felt the same? But why now... Both of them weren't going to make it out of this alive, one of them was going to have to fall.

He tried pulling Shizuo up again and this time, he made more progress, more than before. "I won't let you die.. If you die, I'll follow suit."

"Izaya, I..." Shizuo hesitated. If he told the raven how he felt and he didn't make it out of this, then his death would be more painful for Izaya than if he didn't confess. His hand was slipping with every passing second.

"No.. No no no!" Tears fell down his eyes as he kept trying to pull him up. He kept going and shizuo's hand was nesting the edge again.

Izaya was actually succeeding to pull him up. Hope was flooding back into his mind. The blonde grabbed the ledge and helped the informant in his struggles. "I-Izaya."

Hr didn't respond. He wanted to make sure Shizuo was safe before he did anything else. He kept pulling until his whole upper body was on the building.

Shizuo lifted himself up and onto the roof, safety at last. He rolled onto his back and laid on the building, trying to catch his breath. "Iza-Izaya." He said between gasps for air.

Izaya was also panting and the tears continued down his face. He kept whispering "thank god" over and over.


	2. Smexxy Time

The blonde sat up once he caught his breath and looked at the raven seated next to him. "Izaya." Shizuo moved himself so that he was seated behind the smaller male. He wrapped his arms gently around Izaya, making sure to control his strength and laid his head on the flea's shoulder. "I love you." He whispered into the raven's ear.

He blushed and turned around to hug him tightly. "I love you too. Ever since high school..." He sobbed softly into the larger male's shoulder.

Shizuo could feel warm tears through his shirt. He placed his hand on the raven's head, entwining his fingers in the inky black hair. "Shh.. Don't cry. We're okay, it's over."

Slowly, he started to calm down. After a while he pulled back and looked up at him, wiping his eyes.

Shizuo brushed some bangs out of the raven's face. Izaya's scarlet eyes had Shizuo completely mesmerized. The blonde place his hand on the side of the smaller male's cheek, running the pad of his thumb over the smooth skin.

He smiled softly up at him, completely captivated by his eyes. "I'm glad I was able to save you.."

"I'm glad too." The blonde hesitantly leaned just a little bit closer.

He leaned closer as well. Their faces are now centimeters apart and Izaya put a hand on Shizuo's cheek.

Shizuo pulled the flea closer, their lips colliding. "I love you so much." The debt collector mumbled against the other's lips.

He didn't respond. He simply wrapped his arms around the others neck and kissed back. He didn't want this moment to end.

Shizuo pulled the smaller male into his lap, never breaking the kiss. The blonde opened his mouth, letting his tongue slide out and lick the other's bottom lip; begging for entrance.

He allowed the entrance, parting his lips and having his tongue meet the other.

Shizuo had never been good with words, so he poured all of his feelings into the kiss, all of the feelings that he had hidden from the other since high school. The love that was hidden by hatred.

He slowly pulled back and smiled at him. "You're perfect, amazing and I love you."

Shizuo could feel his face heating up at Izaya's words. He leaned forward and recaptured the ravens lips in a chaste kiss. "I love you too, Izaya, I always have."

"Shall we go somewhere else? So we're no laying on a rooftop?"

"YES. I mean.. Umm... M-my place is pretty close." He scratched the back of his head in embarrassment. His blush spreading up to his ears.

He chuckled and kissed his cheek. "You're so cute. Let's go."

Shizuo grasped his hand, entwining their fingers together. They stood and walked to the door that would lead them to the stairs. Shizuo was feeling pretty nervous, they were going back to his apartment, anything could happen. The entire walk to Shizuo's apartment, he was trying to give himself an internal pep talk.

Izaya was doing the same. Psyching himself into knowing that anything can happen. That he's not a teenager and can do what he wants.

Before they knew it, they were standing in front of Shizuo's apartment complex. He lead Izaya inside, holding the door for him.

He smiled and walked inside. He looked around a bit and smiled.

"Uhh.. w-well this is my apartment..." He stood awkwardly next to Izaya. He was so lost when it came to this kind of stuff since usually people tend to stay away from him. He's never had a girlfriend so he was completely inexperienced in this whole dating thing.

"Its nice. Cozy." He pecked his cheek and smiled up at him. He was new on the whole dating thing as well. Never had s girlfriend or boyfriend and didn't really know what to do.

"Soooo...what do you want to d-do?" Shizuo shuffled in place. They were both still standing in the living room.

"Well, we could continue from where we were on the roof and see where it takes us."

Shizuo hesitantly grabbed the smaller's hand and led him into the bedroom. His face was going to be permanently red after this. He was freaking out, it's not that he didn't want this. He wanted this badly, but he was scared; scare that he might lose control of his strength and hurt the raven. He would never be able to forgive himself if he ever laid even so much as a bruise on that porcelain skin.

The ravens face was red as well. Who knows for how long. He follows the other, nervous out of his mind. He wasn't terribly worried about being hurt, he trusted Shizuo.

Shizuo sat down on the edge of the bed, tugging on the raven's hand; effectively pulling the smaller male into his lap. "I love you so much. So please, please, tell me if I hurt you." He laid his head on the raven's shoulder. "The last thing I'd ever want to do is hurt you."

"I will. I trust that you won't hurt me, but I'll tell you if you do." He kissed his head and hugged him. "I love you too, Shizu-chan."

The blonde smiled at the thought of someone actually putting trust in him. He wrapped his arms carefully around the man in his lap. He pulled his head back and pressed his lips to Izaya's.

He smiled and returned the kiss softly. Izaya gently plays with Shizuo's blonde locks and feels happy where he is now.

The ex-bartender runs his hands up and down Izaya's sides. He breaks away from those addicting lips and leaves delicate kisses down the raven's jaw until he finds a sensitive spot on his neck. He licks and nips at the spot, causing the smaller male to shudder in his lap.

The informant gasps softly when he finds his soft spot and smiles a bit. He loves this, all of it. He lets Shizuo continue and smiles happily.

The small gasp the raven let out sent blood rushing to Shizuo's groin. He let out a quiet moan. "Mmm...Izaya, you're so perfect." He whispered into the other's ear. All of his fears were gone in this moment, all he knew was that he wanted more of this man. He tugged on Izaya's shirt, silently asking for permission.

He nods in response, letting the other remove his shirt. Izaya did the same and both shirts were tossed to the side.

Shizuo admired the lean muscle of the other man. "So perfect." He ran his hands up and down, feeling the warm, smooth skin under his finger tips.

Izaya found he couldn't stop looking at Shizuo's chest. His hands roamed as well and he was permanently blushing now.

The blonde carefully flipped them, laying Izaya's back down on the soft bed. Shizuo crawled over the raven, his hands drifting down the lithe body under him. He placed his hands on the smaller's hips and kissed down his bare chest.

He shuttered lightly and let his eyes close, focusing on the kisses down his his chest. Each one filled him with bliss and he didn't want it to stop. "I love you, Shizu-chan."

"I love you too, Izaya." He mumbled against the raven's skin right before poking his tongue out and dipping it into the other's navel.

He giggled at that. He had a few tickle spots and that was one of them.

Izaya's giggle warmed Shizuo's heart. He looked up at the informants blushing face and then moved his hands to pull on the loops of the informants jeans, silently asking for permission. He didn't want to make Izaya feel uncomfortable or pressure him into doing something he wasn't sure about.

He smiled down at the ex-bartender and nodded. He could tell where this was going and he wanted it to go there. It would be his first time but he wanted it.

Shizuo pulled down the other's pants slowly, leaving kisses down the newly revealed ivory skin of the informants thighs. "You're so beautiful."

He blushed darkly and was a bit hard from what had occurred before.

Shizuo could see the hard bulge through the other's boxers and gave it a kiss through the fabric.

He laid flat on his back and let the other take full control of what happened to him. If he did get hurt, he word be sure to tell the other.

Shizuo stood from the bed and undid his own pants, letting them drop to the floor. He crawled back onto the bed, in nothing but his underwear and settled above the raven. He sealed their lips once again and ran his hands across the other's abdomen, inching his way down to his prize.

He wrapped his arms loosely around Shizuo and knew he was in for a treat. He smiled into the kiss and regretted not saying anything about how he felt to him before.

His hand dipped down into the other's waistband and wrapped around his erection. Shizuo's tongue sneaked into the other's mouth, sliding along the other's wet muscle. He moved his hand along the other's erection, rubbing the pad of his thumb over the sensitive tip. This was the man he loved, he loved every inch of him.

He gasped and moaned softly into the kiss. He was right this is a treat. Bliss started to fill his body and he didn't want it to stop.

The blonde shimmied the other's underwear off, leaving him completely naked. He broke the kiss to look down at his lover. That's right, he can now call this beautiful man his lover.

His face was bright red but he smirked anyway. He was all his now. "All yours." He smiles softly and reached over to pull at the others boxers.

A blush spread across Shizuo's cheeks and he eagerly ripped off his own boxers. He grasped the other's erection and hovered his head above Izaya's nether regions with a smirk. "All mine." He said before licking the under side of the smaller male's cock.

He moans and smiles at the feeling he is experiencing. He let his eyes shut and just let bliss wash over him. He hot a bit harder buy wasn't fully hard yet.

Shizuo had never done anything like this before, but he knew that Izaya was the one he wanted to do it with. He wanted to make this man writhe in pleasure. He kissed the tip and then took the entire length into his mouth. He looked up to see his lover with his eyes closed and face red. The blonde could feel his cock twitch at the sight.

His moans got louder and louder and his back arched slightly. He couldn't wait to return this feeling to his lover. Izaya was glad that his first time would be with this man.

The blonde's mouth slid up and down the other's length, picking up speed. He swirled his tongue around the tip. He moaned around the erection in his mouth, trying to give his lover as much pleasure that he could without sending him over the edge.

Louder and louder he got. He started to grip the bed sheets and his back arched even more.

Shizuo paused in his ministrations and raced a hand up to the other's mouth, holding out three fingers. "I don't...have any.. lube." The blonde said while trying to catch his breath. He was painfully aroused and he didn't know how much longer he was going to last.

He smirked a bit and started to suck on and lick the blonde's fingers. He could tell what was going to cone next and he was a bit nervous.

The blonde was beyond nervous, this is where he was the most scared of losing control of his strength. But the devious tongue that was sucking on his fingers was dragging him from his worries. "Ohh god.. Iza-yaah." He moaned out the other's name.

"Why are you moaning? I'm the one getting sucked off." He chuckles lightly before moaning again.

"S-shut up..." He withdrew his fingers, tracing them down the other's chest, leaving a wet trail in his presence. He spread the other's legs and traced one of his fingers along the raven's entrance. Hesitating to actually enter.

"Go ahead." He shuttered as he felt the wet fingers ghost over his chest. He didn't realize how badly he wanted this until now.

The blonde slowly plunged his finger passed the ring of muscles. Inching in very slowly. He was extremely nervous, what if he hurt him? He would never be able to forgive himself.

It was a new feeling, but it didn't really hurt. He clenched his teeth but soon adjusted and relaxed.

He gently moved in and out, keeping a close eye on Izaya's reactions. When he saw that the other wasn't in pain, he carefully added another finger.

He moaned softly and got used to each finger added. He moaned louder and gripped the sheets again.

Shizuo added another finger, just to be safe. When the raven was completely prepared, he pulled his fingers away.

He looks up at him, panting a bit. He smirks and puts his hands behind his head. "Whenever you're ready."

The blonde growled down at the smaller male, he didn't like the teasing tone. Shizuo positioned himself at the other's entrance and slowly pushed his way in, only the head was in and damn, was it tight. "T-tight. You...okay?" He asked in concern as he slowly pushed in further.

His smirk faded to a mix of pleasure and slight discomfort. He quickly adjusted and pleasure over took his face. "F-fine." He smirked again, kind if liking the growl he heard.

Shizuo thrusted in further until he was fully sheathed inside the warm heat of the informant. Having his lover wrapped tightly around him was overwhelming. He leaned down and sealed their lips before pulling out until just the tip was left and then thrusting back in with overpowering force. The ex-bartender gripped onto the others hips and pulled his lithe body into the force of his thrusts. "Ahh.. Izaya... I love you." He mumbled against the informants lips.

He gasped since he didn't expect the blonde yo put that much force into it to start. Strangely though, it felt good. He started to moan and wrapped his arms around Shizuo. "I love you too... Shizuo."

Shizuo was forgetting about his fears with each jolt of pleasure down his spine. He thrust in and out, the pleasure was taking over. He picked up his pace, each thrust gaining more force. He was losing control. The blonde's grip tightened on the delicate hips in his hands. "Mmmm... Ahh!"

He occasionally let out a yelp of pleasure as a jolt of bliss ran down spine. He felt the grip on his hips tighten but it didn't hurt.

The blonde could feel his release coming, he couldn't hold back. He kissed the raven again and grabbed a hold of the smaller male's erection, pumping him in synch with his thrusts.

He moans loudly and nips/bites at the blonde's lips as he feels his release coming fast as well.

Shizuo uses every last once of his strength and hits Izaya's prostate dead center. The informant's entrance tightened around his cock at the pleasure and the blonde came with a loud groan. He continued to thrust, riding out his orgasm.

He screamed out not in pain, but in pleasure. His climax came st the same time and gripped the sheets tightly until his knuckles turned white.

The ex-bartender pulled out of his lover and rolled over onto the bed next to him. He tried to catch his breath but he was just so exhausted. "A-are.. you okay? Did I... hurt y-you?" He said between pants.

"Not... At all... That was... Amazing." He smiled and rolled towards him so the raven's head rested on Shizuo's shoulder.

Shizuo smiled and pulled the covers over their naked bodies. He rolled onto his side to face his new lover and wrapped his arms around the frail boy. "I'm so happy, Izaya. You're all mine." He kissed the ravens forehead and snuggled in closer.

He smiled brightly and kisses his jaw before cuddling up to the larger male. "I'm happy too. I love you, Shizu-chan."

"I love you too, Izaya." His eyes were getting heavier and heavier by the second. He was so exhausted after todays events. He almost died but yet, some good came out of it. He finally had the raven all to himself. He could hold him and kiss him to his hearts content. He was still afraid of hurting the other but he also knew that the informant wasn't fragile.

He could feel sleep slowly start to take over. He yawned and cuddled into the warm embrace. A lot happened today, but it turned out amazing. He could kiss, hug and all kinds of things with the ex-bartender now.


	3. Bruises

-The Morning After-

Shizuo's eyes fluttered open, he felt strangely calm. There was an unfamiliar weight on his chest. He looked down to see locks of inky black hair. He smiled at realizing that it wasn't all a dream.

Izaya stayed fast asleep, snoring softly with his head on Shizuo's chest.

The blonde rested his hand on the smaller male's head, playing with a stray strand of hair.

He smiled in his sleep, like he was dreaming. He snuggled against the other, happy.

Shizuo shifted a bit to look down at the informants face. He was smiling in his sleep and it warmed his heart. He wrapped his arms around the raven and held him tighter. He was beyond happy

Soon after, Izaya woke up and yawned. He sees Shizuo and smiles even it all want a dream.

"Good morning, love." Shizuo smiles down at the yawning informant and cups his face in his hand.

He blushes and his smile grows. "Morning. How'd you sleep?"

"Better than I have in years." He kissed the smaller male's forehead. "C'mon, I'll make you breakfast."

"Aw. Thank you." He smiles and kisses his cheek. He gets up and goes yo put on at least his boxers.

When Izaya got out of bed in all his naked glory, Shizuo's eyes travel down to the dark purple bruises on the raven's hips. He gasped in shock. The blonde clenched his fists in the sheets and shut his eyes as tight as he could, trying to make the image go away. "No..." The ex-bartender whispered to himself.

He pulls on his boxers and looks back at him. "Hey, what's wrong?"

Shizuo placed his head in his hands and curled in on himself. "No...no, no, no, NO. I'm a monster. I...I destroy everything I touch." Tears welled up in his eyes as he broke down. He was a monster and nothing more. He didn't deserve Izaya; people should never get close to him. All he does is break things. He knew he would hurt him, he knew this would happen.

"Hey. Hey hey hey.." He sits in front of him and tries to peel away his arms so hr can see his face. "Listen to me. I'm not hurt. I only felt bliss and pleasure last night. No pain. You didn't hurt me, you're not a monster. You're mine and nothing different. I'm fine. Shizuo!"

"I...This was a mistake." It killed him to say it but it was true. He never should have done this. So what if he'd be alone for the rest of his life, he didn't deserve love. He needed Izaya out, he couldn't let the other see how weak he truly was. "Get out." He couldn't do this. He needed to be alone to wallow in his sorrow. He was a disgusted with himself. Those large hand shaped bruises contrasted against the pale skin of his lover, or ex-lover. He would never let this happen again.

"No. I'm not leaving you..." Tears started to well up in his own eyes as he looked at him.

"GET OUT." He said in a stern voice looking directly into those crimson orbs. He saw the tears and pain in those eyes, pain that he caused. "Or else I'll throw you out." He stood from the bed and pulled on a pair of clean boxers. He picked up Izaya's clothes that were scattered around the room and chucked them at the smaller male. He gave his most intimidating glare hoping that Izaya couldn't see the underlying sadness and hatred, not hatred for the raven, but hatred for himself.

He quickly puts his clothes back on and shakes his head as he walks towards the door. He's going to regret saying this, but right now, he has nothing else to lose. "I wish I never saved you.." He slams the door behind him and tries to hold himself together until he gets home.

"Yea, me too." Shizuo mumbled to himself as Izaya slammed the door to his apartment. He was angry and sad and broken. He had hurt the one he cared for most. He collapsed to the floor, unable to hold back his sobs.

He gets home and immediately breaks down. Unlike last night, his screams now are filled with pain and sorrow. What was he to him? A one night stand because he couldn't get anything else?

The blonde had gone on a rampage and destroyed all of the furniture in his home. He knew his brother was going to be furious since he had actually been the one to buy it all for him, but that wasn't his greatest concern. His heart ached, it felt like it was being constricted inside of his chest. This wasn't fair. Why did he have to be cursed with such strength, why couldn't he just be normal?

When Izaya got like this, once he was done screaming and crying, he seemed yo become emotionless. He would stare out his window and not move. Maybe for a bathroom break but nothing else. It took him about half an hour before he went quiet and retreated to his room.

Shizuo was tearing himself apart, he hadn't eaten all day, his appetite was completely gone. He literally just laid in bed all day and stared at the ceiling, not even getting up for a cigarette. His phone had been going off all day, he was supposed to go to work today, but that obviously didn't happen. Eventually, Shizuo managed to just drift off into a deep sleep filled with nightmares. Nightmares that all consisted of hurting, breaking and killing, just like the monster he was. He was woken from his sleep several times from fear, a cold sweat breaking out across his skin.

Izaya didn't eat the rest of the day and didn't answer any of his calls. He'll lose a few clients but right now, he didn't care. He might as well be dead now. He was dead inside anyway..


	4. I'm sorry

-A Couple Days Later-

Shizuo woke up with a start and looked to the clock. It was still early in the morning. He swung his legs out of bed and walked over to the bathroom. He looked at himself in the mirror, he looked dreadful. His eyes were puffy and red from all the crying and his skin was a ghastly shade of pale. His cheeks were sunken in and he had dark bags under his eyes. His stomach growled. "Ugh, shut up." He wasn't hungry and no matter how much his stomach protested, he refused to eat even a bite. He walked out of his bathroom and into the kitchen. His cell phone laid, untouched for days, on the kitchen table. He picked up and looked through the messages. Tom, Tom, Tom, Kasuka, Tom, Tom, Celty, Tom. Delete all? Yes. He didn't care anymore. He just wanted it to end.

Like the first day, Izaya sits in front of his window, staring at the streets below. He looked like a corpse: skin a ghostly pale, his eyes red and slightly swollen, he smelled awful, and his cheeks looked a bit sunken in. He only moved to go to the bathroom, nothing else. His sisters know not to do anything when he's like this, but they are still worried for him.

Shizuo threw on his usual bartender suit and walked out of the apartment. He knew what he was going to do... There was only one way to end this... this heart ache. Everyone would be better off without the monster, or at least that's what he told himself. Tom would just find someone to replace him, someone more qualified, someone who didn't throw people around and cause even more problems. Shinra and Celty, they had each other, they would be just fine. They might miss him at first but they would get over it. Kasuka, well he was never really around anyway, he probably wouldn't even find out for some time since he was so busy. And Izaya... well, he wouldn't have anyone to play games with anymore, but not that he really did now. They crossed that line. They could never go back to how things were. Izaya wouldn't miss him, he would just find a new toy to play with and forget all about his favorite monster. Shizuo walked towards the building from all those days ago, he thought it would be fitting.

His sisters were out walking when they saw Shizuo out as well. He looked dead like their brother and he also looked like he had nothing left to live for. They loomed at each other and had similar ideas. One went home to talk to Izaya and the other went up to Shizuo. They only hoped they could convince them to snap out of it and get back together.

Mairu sauntered up to Shizuo. "Hello Shizuo-san~!" Shizuo didn't even send a glance her way and continued walking. "Go away." "What's wrong?" She said in a cheery voice as she latched into the large man's arm. The blonde flinched at the contact and attempted to shrug her off. "Get off!" Shizuo growled at the small child. "Nope~ not until you talk to Iza-nii!" Shizuo froze at the mention of his name. "He's been moping around for like a whole week! You both look like corpses! Now shut up and get back together!" Shizuo shook the girl off and continued to walk. All he does is cause pain. "Shizuo-san!" The girl called, chasing after the blonde.

Kururi goes home to talk to her brother. "Iza?" He doesn't answer. "Izaya.. Mairu and I just saw Shizuo outside. He looks dead and we're not sure, but we think he's going to make a horrible and permanent decision..." He thinks of what she could mean and immediately gets worried. For the first time in a week, he stands up and looks to his sister. "Where..?" His voice was scratchy and hoarse. "Where is he going?" He slowly moved towards her. He looked like a zombie.. She told him the street and landmark before he set out.

Shizuo walked up the stairs of the building, the same building that the blonde had almost fell from a few days prior. Mairu trailed close behind him, she was going on and on about something, she just wouldn't shut up. About halfway here, Shizuo had managed to drone out her obnoxious rambling. He didn't care what she had to say, his mind was made up. He opened the door to the roof and slammed it in Mairu's face before she could manage to slip through. Shizuo broke the lock on the door and took a step back. The young girl was banging on the hard metal door, screaming with all her might. She had her phone out and on call with her sister. They were on their way but would they make it in time? Shizuo pulled out a cigarette, the last cigarette in the pack. Ironic, it was also the last cigarette he'd ever smoke.

Kururi leads the way to where Shizuo went. The door is busted so Izaya goes up a neighboring building. He gets to the top and sees him. "Shizuo!" He was finding it hard to stand at this point. He stumbled forward. "Shizuo!" He can't do this... He can't. Tears started to form in his eyes as he tried to walk further but collapsed near the edge of the room. "You're not a monster... I saw the bruises but they don't hurt. You never hurt me once during that night. Please.. Don't so this... Please, I love you..."

The ex-bartender saw the raven collapse on the roof of the neighboring building. He was immediately filed with worry, his concern for the other overpowering his will to die. He ran to the other edge of the roof so he could get a running start. Last time, he had missed and Izaya was there to save him, but this time, he had to make it. He didn't have a choice. He had to get to Izaya. He had to get him to Shinra's. He ran as fast as he could and launched himself into the air, successfully jumping the gap just by a couple of centimeters. He ran to Izaya's side and held him to his chest. "Izaya? Izaya! Stay with me! It's gonna be okay, I'm gonna get you to Shinra's!"

"Don't... Die..." He was weak. Really weak. His breathing was shallow and his eyes looked like they were about to close. He was so exhausted but he knew that if he shut his eyes, he doesn't know if he'll be opening them again. "Don't you dare... Kill yourself... You never hurt me..."

He lifted the raven bridal style, cradling him to his chest. His breathing was getting slower and slower. "Just stay awake. Please, Izaya. Don't fall asleep!" Shizuo kicked open the door to the roof and ran down the stairs. The twins were on their way up when they saw their brother being carried like a princess by his knight in shining armor. Shizuo pushed past them without a word, not noticing that their brother was not in good condition.

"Trying..." He was trying to stay awake. He hoped he could until he got to Shinra's home. It was hard, but he managed. He stayed awake until they got there.

When they arrived at Shinra's, Shizuo busted down the door and barged in. Shinra was sitting at the kitchen table, eyes blown wide at the intrusion, eating what might have looked like...soup? Celty definitely attempted to cook for Shinra again. "Shinra! Help him!" The doctor stood up and rushed over to the two. Shizuo laid Izaya down on the couch and held the smaller males hand as Shinra did his thing.


	5. These are the Good Times

**Author Note: **

** Rushi no Ryuu- Thank you so much for the reviews! We really appreciate all the kind words. We are literally just having so much fun with this RP and we love that people are enjoying it too. **

**P.S. I'm also looking for more RP partners, I'm so lonely! PM me if you'd like to roleplay, I don't mind amateurs or first timers, it's all about having fun. :)**

-a few hours later.-

Shinra walked over to Shizuo with a small smile on his lips. "He'll be fine. He just needs to eat and drink to regain his strength. He simply wasn't getting the nutrients he needed. He should be fine in a few days."

Shizuo let out a sigh of relief. He was so worried about the raven. This man meant so much to the ex-bartender. Shinra had moved Izaya into the guest room a couple hours ago to do a full examination and refused to let the blonde in. He had been seated on this couch for hours, not knowing what was going on with only Celty to comfort him. "Is he awake?"

"I don't think so" replied the dullahan with her phone. "I know he was up before and eating but I think he fell back asleep afterwards. He'll be fine."

Shizuo stood from his seat on the couch and walked into the guest room. The raven haired boy was sleeping in the bed hooked up to an IV and a heart monitor. This was all his fault. He moved forward and sat in a chair next to the bed. Izaya looked better, he was not nearly as pale and the bags under his eyes were disappearing. Izaya was safe. Shizuo's stomach growled, he still hasn't eaten anything but that was the least of his worries. He placed his hand on the informants and rubbed his thumb along the smooth skin. "I'm so sorry Izaya." He said to himself. "I didn't...I didn't think you would suffer this much."

If only he didn't bruise easily. Izaya wasn't frail, not at all. He just had a small condition that whenever his grabbed where he wasn't usually grabbed, it liked like he was bruised. His breathing was soft and he was fast asleep. Shinra looks into the room. "Shizuo, you should eat to. Care to stay for dinner?"

"Yea... Thanks, Shinra." Shizuo got up from his seat, taking one last glance at Izaya and then walked out. He took a seat at the kitchen table, a bowl of rice was placed in front of him. Shizuo looked up at Shinra like a lost puppy, Shinra smiled at him and sat next to him. "Shizuo, mind telling me what happened? You and Izaya both look like hell. I'm worried about you two." Shizuo's eyes widened. How was he supposed to explain to his friend that he fell in love with his worst enemy, that they made love, that Shizuo hurt him? "I... I'd rather not talk about it." Shizuo looked down at the untouched rice. This was all his fault.

Shinra nodded and started to eat. He didn't want to push the topic,despite the fact that he normally does. Considering Shizuo's strength, he does t want to risk anything. He would let Shizuo sleep on the couch tonight if it made him feel better to be closer to Izaya. Since Shizuo was the one to kick the door in so he could get Izaya help, he could guess that they weren't just enemies anymore. If they were, Shizuo wouldn't care to to get Izaya help.

Shizuo picked up his chopsticks and hesitantly picked up a chunk of rice. The blonde wasn't stupid, he knew Shinra was watching him. He couldn't disappoint the doctor though. He placed the food in his mouth and swallowed. It made his stomach lurch, not the taste but the fact that his previously empty stomach just couldn't handle the food. "I'm sorry... I... I can't." He said before standing and hastily making his way to the bathroom. He kneeled down in front of the toilet and hurled. It was mostly bile and it burned his throat.

Shinra had some himself and knew the taste wasn't bad. "Maybe because he hasn't eaten in so long, his stomach needs a bit of help getting back to ingesting food." He waits for the blonde to return and tells him what he thinks will most likely work. Start off with just water, then move on to different drink, followed by soft food like porridge in small amounts and so on increasing the amount before going to normal food like rice and such.

"This should help get your stomach back to ingesting food."

"Thanks." He poured himself a glass of water to get rid of the awful taste in his mouth. He wandered back into the living room and sat on the couch, slowly sipping his water. It seemed to settle his stomach a bit. When the glass was empty he laid it down on the coffee table and slowly laid down. He was exhausted beyond belief. He didn't know what to do now. If he were to continue with his original plan and take his own life... He saw how much all of this hurt Izaya and he didn't want him to suffer. He hated this damn strength. It wasn't fair. His eyes slowly slid closed, entering into one of his usual nightmares.

When morning came, Izaya was up and having a bit of breakfast. He was different from Shizuo in the sense that if his stomach was empty for a long amount of time, he could start eating solid food in small amounts almost immediately. Nothing dry like toast though. He sat talking with Celty in the kitchen. He occasionally glanced over at Shizuo sleeping on the couch and smiles a bit, happy he was alive. When he woke up, Izaya would explain to him his small condition and what it causes. He would also demonstrate on his ankle, neck and even his ear. Yeah, places like his ear look bruises if even a small amount of pressure is applied.

Shizuo shuffled in his sleep with a frown on his face. "N-no...I didn't m-mean to..." He moved again onto his side and curled into a ball on the small couch. "I'm... sorry."

He sees this and excuses himself, walking over. He crouches in front of Shizuo's face and puts a hand on his cheek. "Shizu-chan. It's alright. Nothing is wrong.."

"Ngh..." Shizuo settles down at the feeling of the other's hand on his skin. It soothes his fear, calms his anger. "I-Iza...ya" He says in his sleep.

He smiles and moves his thumb in circles around his cheek. "Everything is okay. I'll be fine in due time, you will be too."

"Mmm..." The blonde's honey eyes flutter open to see the raven beautiful face hovering over him. "Izaya?" He slowly sat up placing his hand over the one on his cheek before casting his eyes down. He can't look the other in the eyes.

"Look at me.. I have something to tell you and show you."

Shizuo hesitantly looked up, not saying a word. He felt so weak, he hated feeling like this.

"I have a condition. This condition causes my skin to form bruises very easily even if it doesn't hurt me. Look." He presses his hand to his neck and pulls it back. A bruise is already starting to form. He does the same to his ear and he shows no sign of pain. "I was never hurt that night. I felt no pain from you. Please, don't blame yourself because this wasn't your fault. I do t want to see you silently suffer like this.." He holds both of Shizuo's hands in his and looks at him sincerely.

"So... I... didn't hurt you? I didn't hurt you?!" Shizuo could feels tears welling up in his eyes, threatening to fall. He was so happy he couldn't contain himself. He lunged forward and tackled Izaya into a strong embrace. "I-Izaya..." He sobbed into the other's shoulder. "I'm so sorry! I just... I love you so much and... and when I saw the bruises... it was my greatest fear."

He hugged him back tightly and kisses his neck. "You never hurt me. Not once. I love you too Shizuo." He pulls back and wipes away the few tears that did fall. "I'm tougher than I look and you weren't harmfully rough with me."

"I lost control..." The blonde knew he did, he was too rough with the informant. He needed to gain control of this cursed strength before he could ever touch Izaya intimately again. More tears spilled, he couldn't prevent himself from breaking down. "And I'm so sorry for... for trying to leave you behind... I'm so sorry. I... I thought that... everybody would be better off without me. I'm so sorry!" He couldn't look Izaya in the eye, he was so ashamed himself.

"Look at me." He puts his hands on Shizuo's cheeks and makes the blonde look at him. "Everyone you know would be effected by that in someway. You're brother would feel sad, Shinra and Celty will miss you as well and fucking hell, I would be nothing without you.. I love you to pieces and nothing will change that."

Shizuo could do nothing but nod in response as he gazed into those hypnotic crimson eyes. Those fierce eyes told him he was being sincere. He leaned in to kiss the other but was interrupted. His traitorous stomach chose that moment to growl, begging for attention.

He chuckled slightly and pecked his lips. "You should eat."

"Y-yea" Shizuo stood and held out a hand for his lover.

He takes it in his and stands up. "I'm really happy you're okay."

"I'm really happy I have you." He pulled the other closer, still holding his hand. "You saved me, twice." He brought the raven's hand to his lips, planting a chaste kiss to the pale ivory skin.

He blushes and smiles. "I'll do anything for you.."

Shinra pops out from around the corner. "Dawwww, you guys got back together, how cute." Shizuo twisted his head around at the voice, his face and ears turning bright red. "Shinra! What the hell!? Were you spying on us!?"

"That doesn't surprise me if he was." He chuckled and ran a hand through his raven black hair.

"Wha? No! I wasn't spying! This is a small apartment!" Celty also popped out from the corner. She held up her PDA [We could hear the entire conversation. I'm happy you guys don't hate each other anymore, I really am. But Shizuo, did you really try to...] Shizuo was so embarrassed, not only did they know about him and Izaya, but they also knew how weak he truly was. He looked down to the floor, refusing eye contact with the headless woman.

Izaya looked at Celty and mouthed, 'I might tell you later.' He put s hand on Shizuo's shoulder then motioned to the kitchen.

The blonde followed Izaya to the kitchen and opened the fridge. He grabbed the carton of milk and poured himself a glass. He took a seat at the kitchen table, not looking up from his glass. He was happy that he hadn't actually hurt Izaya, but to think that Shinra and Celty knew about... well, that he tried to kill himself. He could barely even admit it to himself. What if Izaya hadn't shown up? He would've jumped. Then Izaya would've been left behind. Would he have moved on? Or followed after him? He shook away the thoughts. He didn't want to think about it anymore. It was in the past, all that mattered was he had Izaya back and everything was good, right?

Everything was fine. Shizuo didn't follow through with what he planned to do and that was the important thing. He got some cereal and poked the blonde's cheek before taking a bite.

Shizuo felt a finger stab at his cheek and looked over to see the raven eating cereal. His stomach growled at the sight of food. The milk wasn't doing anything for him. It was starting to become painful.

Though he never had to, he knew why Shizuo didn't have actual food right now.

His stomach growled again but much louder this time. "Ughh... I can't take it anymore!" He stood from his seat and made himself a small bowl of cereal. He needed real food and he needed it now. He didn't care if it made him sick, he'd deal with it later.

He knew that the other would feel sick later but he didn't stop him. If it made him feel better, then so be it. He probably might tell Celty later about the gist of it all on Dollars.

Shizuo sat next to Izaya once again. Right as he was about to eat a bite, Shinra spoke up. "You know that's just going to make you sick. You'll regret it later." Shizuo made direct eye contact with Shinra as he put the spoonful of cereal into his mouth. He knew he was acting like a stubborn child, but he was angry and happy and upset and... hungry. "Pssh, fine. But don't come crying to me later when you're throwing up." Shinra wandered back into his bedroom sending a wave over his shoulder. Celty following after.

"If you want, I can make you a smoothie later. Still liquid but pretty filling." He finished his bowl and looked over at him.

Shizuo looked over at the informant, a light blush forming on his cheeks. It would almost be like Izaya was cooking for him, almost. The blonde looked down at his bowl and smiled. "Yea, I'd like that." His stomach growled yet again. "I'm still eating this though." He said as he put another spoonful in his mouth.

"Alright. After that and after your stomach has calmed down." He smiles and leans over, kissing his cheek.

Shizuo's blush spread to his ears. He still wasn't used to all the affection after being alone most of his life. He quickly ate the rest of the cereal and brought his and Izaya's bowls to the sink.

He was happy with his life right now. Yeah it was fast and a bit stressful, but it was all well now. He finally has someone who loves him back.

The blonde sat back in his seat next to Izaya and gazed at the raven haired boy. That inky black hair, fierce red eyes, and silky smooth skin. He was completely, hopelessly in love with this man. He cupped the other's chin in his hand and brought their lips together. Yep, hopelessly in love. He smiled against the other's lips.

He kissed back and felt the same way. He was completely captivated by this man. Ever since high school and he was hopelessly in love as well. At least they were in love with each other, that made it better. He mimics Shizuo and puts his hand on the other's chin.

"I love you, my beloved Izaya." But before he could get a response from the informant, his stomach lurched. No, no, no. His eyes went wide. He put a hand on his stomach, the other to his mouth and bolted for the bathroom.

He felt bad but also chuckled softly. He got a glass of water and stood in the door of the bathroom. "This is why smoothies work better."

Shizuo couldn't stop vomiting, he continued to hurl everything he had eaten. He had secretly hoped that he wouldn't throw up, that he'd be able to keep it down and be done with it. How come he could get hit by a truck and live, but he couldn't get over a little starvation. He regretted eating the cereal now, but he was stubborn. His throat burned but it just kept coming up. Tears stung his eyes.

He walks over and aces the cup near him. Izaya crouches behind him and rubs his back.

After a few minutes it turned into dry heaving, which felt just as horrible. Shinra walked past the bathroom. "Told you so." He said without stopping in. Shizuo knew he totally deserved that. The raven never stopped rubbing his back, it was helping. The heaving stopped, leaving the blonde panting for air.

"Glass of water next to you if you want it." He didn't stop rubbing Shizuo's back.

"Ahh... thanks." He weakly picked up the glass and sipped at it. His hands were shaking, he could barely grip the glass. When he finished, he placed it back down on the floor. "I'm feeling much bett-" He was cut off by another wave of nausea, head hovering over the toilet once again as he vomited up pure bile.

'This is gonna take a while' he thinks to himself.

After several more minutes, the heaving had finally stopped. "Sorry." Shizuo stood on shaky legs and held out a hand to the raven.

"Don't be." He takes his hand and smiles. "I'll get you some more water, you go lie down."

He helped the smaller male to his feet. "I'm fine, really. I... I just want to go home."

"Then I'll take you home before you rest." Compared to when he was first brought here, Izaya looks virtually back to normal. Shizuo too minus the empty stomach problem.

The blonde smiled at Izaya and walked out of the bathroom, still holding the informant's hand. "Bye, Celty! ...and Shinra." He said the last part quieter and led the raven out of the apartment. He was eager to get home and rest.

He said his goodbyes as well and thanked Shinra for helping him. They start the walk back, Izaya holding Shizuo's hand.

They held hands the entire walk back to Shizuo's apartment, earning themselves some strange looks. The citizens of Ikebukero were used to them constantly fighting and causing chaos, not holding hands and acting all lovey dovey. When they reached Shizuo's apartment, he simply opened the door. It wasn't locked or anything since the last time he left, he didn't really have intentions to come back.

They get inside and Izaya heads to the kitchen. "Want water or for me to make that smoothie?"

He was really looking forward to that smoothie but his stomach still hadn't fully settled down yet. "Mmm... the smoothie."

"Alright. I'll give you a little bit at a time so you don't hurl again. Any specific flavor you want?"

"Strawberry?" Shizuo grabbed his cell phone and slowly laid down on the couch. He flipped open the phone and saw that he had 16 missed calls. "Ughh..."

"You got it." He got to work and as he did. Checked his phone. 20 missed calls. "Well, there goes a few clients.."

Shizuo felt bad for not calling Tom at all over the past couple days, but doubted he'd be mad. He just hoped he didn't get into any trouble while he was gone. The blonde decided he'd call him later, right now he needed to rest. He closed his phone and set it down on the table, grabbing the TV remote instead. He turned it on and flipped to a random channel.

The smoothie didn't take long and he would return all the calls later. He walks in with a small glass of the smoothie and handed it to him. "Here you go."

He sat up and took the glass from Izaya. "Thank you." He took a sip. "It's delicious." He slowly drank the rest, taking breaks in between sips as to not upset his stomach again.

He smiled and sat next to him. "You're very welcome."

Shizuo hesitantly put his arm around the smaller male and pulled him closer. A blush spreading across his cheeks. The blonde just wanted the other closer, to never let go.

He smiled and wrapped his arms around the taller male's torso. "Promise you won't do something rash like that again.."

Shizuo's eyes stung with tears at the mention and hung his head, his bands covering his eyes from view. "I'm sorry..." He was so ashamed of himself. He pulled the raven even closer and put a hand to his face, trying to wipe away the tears that were threatening to fall. For the strongest guy in Ikebukero, he couldn't help but feel weak. "I promise, Izaya. I promise. I'll never do anything like that ever again, I'm so sorry."

He simply nods and hugs him tighter. He leans up and kisses his cheek softly. I love you.

Shizuo just continued to mumble 'I'm sorry.' as he tried to stop the flow of tears.

He pulled back and pulled the others hands back. He looked at him and wiped away the tears.

The blonde refused eye contact. How could someone like him ever deserve someone like Izaya. Izaya was so perfect and kind while he was just a mess, a monster.

"Listen. You are not a monster, you're perfect. If you really were a monster, would I be here right now? Probably not. You're not a monster. I love you dearly and would hate to lose you."

Shizuo looked up at the raven, a sad smile gracing his face. "You know that's not true... I'm a... I'm a monster. I am. You may not think so but it's true." He put his hand on the raven's cheek. "I don't deserve you. You're too good for me." He gently pressed his lips to the others. When he pulled away more tears were making wet trails down his cheeks. "I love you so much. I know I don't deserve you but... let me be selfish, just this once." He sealed there lips again, this time with more pressure, more emotion.

"I love you too." He mumbled against the other's lips. "Go right ahead and be selfish."

Shizuo pulled away and peppered kisses down the others neck, finding that spot that made the other shudder. "Stay with me tonight." He whispered against the other's skin. "I want to hold you." In reality, Shizuo knew the real reason why he wanted Izaya to stay. He needed to make sure that the raven was really here, that he wasn't going to be gone in the morning.

He shutters slightly when his soft spot is hit. "Alright. We can watch movies and cuddle all night."

The blonde smiled as he pulled away. He gave the smaller a male a peck on the cheek before standing from the couch. "What do you want to watch?"

"Depends on what you have."

Shizuo sat down in front of the TV, searching through all of his old movies. Most of them belonged to Kasuka. "What about this one? Kasuka stars in it. Or this one? Kasuka is in this one too. Or I have this one?" Shizuo said holding up a bunch of random DVD's, all of them starring the blonde's little brother. "Or netflix?"

"Netflix." He chuckles lightly and smiles

Shizuo turned on Netflix and threw the remote at Izaya with a smile on his face. "You pick." He said as he plopped back down on the couch, throwing his arm around the raven.

"He looks through the movies and finds a movie called 'Pet Cemetery.'

Shizuo pulls Izaya into a hug and lays down so that the smaller male was laying on top of him, his arms wrapped tightly around the other.

He hits play and wraps his arms around the larger male, hugging back just as tightly.

The blonde doesnt really pay attention to the movie, hes more focused on the man in his arms. Playing with the raven locks under his fingertips, trying to synch their heartbeats, and listening to the sound of the other's soft breathing. This was a dream come true to the ex-bartender. Everything he's ever wanted.

Izaya has seen this movie so he isn't to affected by its images. He does chuckle now and again and some scary parts.

Shizuo could feel his eyelids getting heavy. He tried to stay awake the best he could but he was so comfortable. The blonde ended up falling asleep with a smile on his face.

The raven was tired too but was able to see Shizuo's sleeping face before he fells asleep.


End file.
